I miss you, terribly.

just the way I'm suppose to be

I miss you. 
I miss you 
so much 
right now.
It hurt to
see you
leave, yes.
But I had
just seen
you. And
it's been
two days 
now. & I
want to see
you again.
Pictures
just do not
do it justice 
for me.
Seeing you 
in person
makes my
heart beat
rush with 
all haste. 
Never have 
I felt so short 
of breath, as
I am when I
stand in the
same room 
as you are in.
& I hate that 
we do not 
speak. I hate 
to leave you 
and know 
that I haven't 

touched you. 
Maybe by 
seeing me,
you are touched.
I hope so. But oh,

if I could steal 
your lips I 
would. I would 
take them with 
me, everywhere 

I go. I just want 
to follow you
around. Be where
you are. Go where 
you go. I hate when 
I cannot see you. 
But what's worse 
is I never know

when I will see you 
again. Hope that it's 
soon lingers in my 
soul. But doubt

creeps in and I 
wonder, if it is so? 
Or just an abandoned
hope. I wish you were
reading this. I wish I 
could tell you, that I 
miss you. But more 
than that, I love you. 
Please find me again, soon.

And do not hesitate to speak.

I hate how you made it look like I said something
when I did not! It's a good thing no one knew it
was me you were speaking about. You can never
get dirt on me now. Only try. I will rejoice in that fact.

You are under my skin, & you're under my skin.
And.. that other person. But like a nasty, dirty
scab, I pull you off. I will squeeze out my blood,
and I'm done with you. You're gone, you're over
with, and you never really mattered. Yes, these
are three different people I am speaking about.

I had to get it off my chest, and I did. Without
bashing them or bringing names to any ones
attention. And this is safe. I can't start anything.

So, out with my feelings. Out with you. You're gone
you're over with. I've moved on. I had a good night
tonight. I had many laughs tonight. I won't let you
ruin this day/night for me. The end.

if they hate me,

they hate me. &

I D O N ' T C A R E .

I was going to write a poem.
But then as I began to unleash
myself, I discovered that I had
nothing to say. Yes, I am feeling
rather, a lot right now. But maybe
to speak about it, I should not.
I'm not over whelmed, as much
as I am just weighed down. So,
to do what I normally would,
write about it I should. But I
began to write, and nothing
came. Nothing flowed. So maybe
to speak is not what's right for now.
It is almost three in the morning.
And my body may be saying:
"rest!" So, rest I shall go. I just
wanted to write a poem. But
unfortunately, nothing was
written.

"Let me see"



I've been thinking of you,
tonight. And I wonder how
you are. I've been thinking
of you. And I wonder where
you are.

So why don't you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don't you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are. Let me
see your beautiful, Let me
see your beautiful, let me
see your beautiful, face.
Let me see your face.

It's been a while, since I
last saw you. And I loved
how much you made me laugh.
So why don't you come back,
and make me laugh some more?

So why don't you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don't you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are. Let me
see your beautiful, Let me
see your beautiful, let me
see your beautiful, face.
Let me see your face.

Days are quiet. And nights
are so long. But time flys
by, as I smile and think of
you. As I think of you. As
I think of you. Mmm.

So why don't you come down
to here. So I can be near
you. So why don't you come
and see me, because I want
to be where you are. Let me
see your beautiful, Let me
see your beautiful, let me
see your beautiful, face.
Let me see your face. Face.

I plan to produce this when I
get my mac laptop.

My Heart is YOURS.

LOOK
HOW
THEY
SHINE
FOR
YOU.

Good looks catch the eye,

  but a good personality catches the heart.

I want a Mac Laptop.

Simply because it

holds GarageBand.

The only tool I need

to produce my own 

music.

It's not about fame

or fans. Or if I may

one day profit money

from it, but simply

because I hold a desire

to create. And when I

write songs or poems,

their tunes linger in

my thoughts. Causing

my heart to sadden.

Because I cannot

release my ideas

and my fantasies.

I cannot create that

which lingers in side of me.

It is sad that I do not have it.

I desire it so much right now.

So Mac laptop, find me 

please, so I may simply

create. For the love of

creating, come to me now!

Somewhere between here & there I lost the near & far between.

   




In the silence of my room,
  all thoughts seem to sink low.
  While flying through the air,
  they never let go of the empty
  spaces around my soul. Of the
  empty spaces around my soul.

  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.

  My head against the wall. My chest
  rises and falls. And though I am
  silent, I am loud. And though I am
  still, I am running so far away.
  Chasing my thoughts and trying to
  make sense of it all. I know I should
  give up. Sense has never been my friend
  before.

  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.
  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.

  The dust particles fall on my cheek.
  I hear them laughing at times. But
  they are regretful when the tears
  begin to fall. And so by me hurting
  I've regained back my peace. & by my
  sorrow, there is in fact joy.

  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.
  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.

  Fingers and toes try to wrap around
  my thoughts. But they are too many
  for my too few. So mighty big hands
  from the kingdom above, collect all
  my troubles, collect all my love.

  Because somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.
  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.
  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.
  Somewhere between here and there
  I lost the near and far between.



        

I like you. 

& I like thinking about you.

a reply to someone's blog post..

A reply to Moon Face. I thought it was a pretty response and decided to share it. I love my poetic posts of thought.

I've never thought about watching movies when it rains. Usually I just sit on the computer and make graphics. And mostly, write a song about it. I have like 4,000 songs that speak about the rain. And/or mention it somewhere. (well not that many, but you know what I mean. A ridiculously large amount) But that's an interesting idea. If I ever get bored on a rainy day (which is not likely to happen) then I shall watch a movie, and I'll tell you what I watch. If I ever purposely sit down to watch a movie on a rainy day. I love days like that. When you're not expecting it but you wake up to the dim lighted sky and the sound of water trickling on the plants beside your window. & suddenly when you're aware of what you hear, a car rushes by and makes a huge announcement by splashing the water against it's wheels. And tells you that you need to wake up and enjoy the day. Ahh.. Love days like that.

January 19, 2010 7:01 PM 

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

Just throw me out there in the woods for a while. 

Let's hope I find a mountain.

                     & then you can come find me.

Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?
Can one kiss, do all of this?

Can one kiss,

do all of this?

by ottersandsky @ deviantart

There are times when reality comes closer:
In a field, in the actual air,
I stepped carefully, like a new-shod horse,
A raw tumultuous girl
Making my way over wet stones.
And then I ran -
Ran ahead of myself,
Across a field, into a little wood.

And there I stayed until the day burned down.

I'm looking at my watch.

Another time has been 

stolen, when I was

carrying you. Seems

I've tripped and I've fallen.

the fray

I wish you were a stranger

I _ c o u l d _ d i s e n g a g e .

To say that we agree 
and then never change.

I got inspired by my last blog entry title. So I decided to right it into a song.
I think it's an average okay song. Not like masterpieces as I have once written. But it's a decent little break up song.

 "Throwing rocks in the ocean (My Independence)"



 My time was never dull when you were here.
 I'd spend every day with you. & I was never bored.
 Or asking myself what to do now. We'd search the world
 together. & my face would show all the wonders of our
 time. But that was all when you were here.


 I'm throwing rocks into the ocean that's sitting in my head.
 I want to see how far the ripples will go. & if you've left
 me to die here on this island of mine. Or if there's enough
 strength in me, to regain my independence.


 You decided to leave. I had never felt so out
 of place. The air seems so thin. It's hard to breathe.
 & where is the noise? It's so dangerously quiet.
 I can hear my own thoughts. It shouldn't be like this.


  I'm throwing rocks into the ocean that's sitting in my head.
 I want to see how far the ripples will go. & if you've left
 me to die here on this island of mine. Or if there's enough
 strength in me, to regain my independence.


 How dare you come into my home. & take me out of my comfort zone.
 & teach me a new way to live. You made me cling to you like glue.
 But since you've left, I've learned a thing or two. & I'm actually
 okay without you here. You can go. I never really needed you here.


 I'm throwing rocks into the ocean that's sitting in my head.
 I want to see how far the ripples will go. & since I'm not
 going to die here on this island of mine. I shall take it all back.
 Because there's enough strength in me, to regain my independence.

Throwing rocks at the ocean in my head, to see how far the ripples will go.

I was going to whine and spreak my heart out and explain how pathetic I feel and tell all I am going through, but I am now in far too good of a mood to spoil it. I've laughed some laughs, told some funny stories to my mom. And suddenly what was once down is now up. And I am no longer sad or in need to rant. So rant I will not. So it looks like these ripples will go pretty far. I will return when I need.

"I'm a smiling fool!"

I wasn't ever the prettiest girl on the block.
I wasn't ever the skinniest girl on the block.
& the boys didn't love me so.
& the cool kids never liked me, so.
I was just a loner, so.
Playin' all by myself, so?
I would frown.
I would, frown.
But then I turned it upside down.
& then one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn't care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I'm a smiling fool.
my first smile caused my face to crack,
my second smile caused my face to shatter,
& now that it doesn't even matter,
They all know me,
they all know me!
As a smiling fool.
But then one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn't care what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
& now I'm a smiling fool.
You people laugh at me.
You point your dirty fingers at me.
You all talk about me, cause I'm so different.
Well I don't talk about you, because you're all the same.
& now when I'm in the block, they all know my name.
Cause one day, I woke up to reality.
& I didn't care, what they thought of me!
So I smiled; I smiled so big.
I broke my toes, I smiled so big.
I'm a smiling fool.
Yeah, a smiling fool.
And it doesn't matter.

"Airplanes"


Airplanes could fall out of the air,
& burst into flame. But people still
board onto them, without a single care.

Cars can always collide, off the road
onto the ground. But does it stop others
from climbing in, & getting around?

Houses could always explode. & memories
be lost forever. But people still live
in them. Never really caring.

& just like everyone today, people do
things without a care. They live in the
now & don't think about the later.

Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely. Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me. & that's all I want to be.
Let me focus on you. & that's all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you. & all I want is you.

Almost everyone in this world, has had
a pet. & not once did they think, "oh it
might kill me". Not until the teeth
started chomping. And the skin started to
bleed, did you think, that this was a bad idea.

& you see those boys on their skateboards,
doing flips into the water. It was so much fun,
until the blood rose to the surface, & one of
them did not.

& for the two who went out for a drive.
They just wanted to talk, & walk in the night.
They didn't see those gun shots coming.
They just soaked those last few moments in.


& still again, just like everyone today,
people do things without a care. They live
in the now & don't think about the later.

Maybe I should do the same?
Live freely. Be who I want to be.
Maybe forget that time is moving.
& just stay as me. & that's all I want to be.
Let me focus on you. & that's all I need to do.
Cause all I need is you. & all I want is you.

My mind has been lingering with thoughts of creativity for far too long now.
I must do something about it!

So I'm fantasizing of the guy I currently like. & we're sitting on this hill, away from everything, in the middle of this field. Under a tree. The wind is blowing my hair, ever so lightly. The same with his. & in the middle of this conversation, he asks me:

how can you do that?
me: do what?
him: just be okay with being isolated.
me: Well, when you're like me, and for so long of having others judge you,
and reject you. You get use to the pain. You get use to being alone.
& at the same time, you teach yourself, & learn that happiness, joy & acceptance
doesn't come from people. But from God. You eventually learn to be alone with him.
& in that, there's a freedom to be yourself. To do what you want.
To make yourself happy. And be okay with just being you. And being alone by yourself.
It just comes with the territory.
& it goes on.
But yeah, I just sort of liked that part.

ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM ELOHIM

I LOVE ELOHIM!

thoughts of giving the gift of art

Once I saw the art of graphics, I was instantly hooked,
and knew I wanted to be able to do that as well. So after
three months of paint, I had enough. I finally got a program
and actually got to the point where I out grew it. I was held
back because I did not have photoshop. And I asked God for it.
I asked so much for it and desired it. And finally, I had someone
give it to me for absolutely free. And I was so over whelmed.

I would never in a million years want to hold back that feeling from anyone, ever!
To be able to create art, in any way, is the greatest feeling. ESPECIALLY,
if you're an artist and/or desire to be one. So to be able to give the gift of
creating art, is the best feeling to me. (or, one of them any ways)

an opinion about artists

You should never hold your potential back.
You should unleash everything that's within you.
And over time, you will perfect the scene of chaos.
Where it's known to be the highest level of beauty.
Never settle. Go crazy. Let it all out.
Don't be afraid to be bold. This world is full of cowards.
We need some rebels.
RISE UP REBELS!